How is secure attachment formed

But if your face looks distressed, angry, worried, sad, fearful, or distracted, your child will pick up on these negative emotions and feel stressed, unsafe, and unsure. Tone of voice — Even if your child is too young to understand the words that you use, they can understand the difference between a tone that is harsh, indifferent or preoccupied, and a tone that conveys tenderness, interest, concern, and understanding.

The way you wash, lift, or carry your baby or the way you give your older child a warm hug, a gentle touch on the arm, or a reassuring pat on the back can convey so much emotion to your child.

Body language — The way you sit, move, and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to your child.

Talk to your child with your arms crossed and your head back and they will see you as defensive and uninterested. Pacing, timing, and intensity — The pacing, timing, and intensity of your speech, movements, and facial expressions can reflect your state of mind. If you maintain an adult pace, or are stressed or otherwise inattentive, your nonverbal actions will do little to calm, soothe, or reassure your child.

As there are many reasons why a loving, conscientious parent may not be successful at creating a secure attachment bond, HelpGuide has created two unique resources to help the process:. Informed by leaders in the new field of infant mental health, this HelpGuide video demonstrates what a secure attachment bond looks like from the perspective of the infant as well as the parent.

Additionally, the video explains why a loving parent may not be able to create a secure attachment bond or why an infant may not be able to participate in the two-way emotional exchange that creates this bond. Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph. Bonding with your Baby — Why bonding is important, how your baby interacts, and ways to get support. Bonding with Your Baby — One sheet about bonding and attachment with a good list of suggestions for new mothers.

Child Welfare Department. Developmental Milestones — A detailed list about developmental milestones that relate to bonding. Communication and your newborn — Learn how newborns communicate and what to do if you suspect a problem. This holiday season alone, millions of people will turn to HelpGuide for free mental health guidance and support.

So many people rely on us in their most difficult moments. Can we rely on you? All gifts made before December 31 will be doubled. Cookie Policy. What is the attachment bond and why is it so important? A secure attachment bond ensures that your child will feel secure, understood, and calm enough to experience optimal development of his or her nervous system.

This can inhibit emotional, mental, and even physical development, leading to difficulties in learning and forming relationships in later life. How secure attachment is created Developing a secure attachment bond between you and your child, and giving your child the best start in life, does not require you to be a perfect parent. The attachment bond differs from the bond of love As a parent or primary caretaker for your infant, you can follow all the traditional parenting guidelines, provide doting, around-the-clock care for your baby, and yet still not achieve a secure attachment bond.

It begins before birth and usually develops very quickly in the weeks after baby is born. Is task-oriented. Focuses on what is happening in the moment between you and your child. You maintain your regular adult pace while attending to your child. For example, you hurry to feed your child dinner so you have time to watch your favorite TV show, or cut short playing a game to answer a text. Your child initiates and ends the interaction between you. You focus on future goals by, for example, trying to do everything you can to have the smartest, healthiest child.

The confusion about bonding and the secure attachment bond The words bond or bonding are commonly used to describe both caretaking and the emotional exchange that forms the attachment process, even though they are very different ways of connecting with your child. One is a connection based on the care a parent provides for their infant child, while the other is based on the quality of nonverbal emotional communication that occurs between parent and child.

Both types of parent-child interaction can occur simultaneously. Before experts understood the radical changes going on in the infant brain during the first months and years of life, both the caretaking process and the attachment process looked very similar. Developmental milestones related to secure attachment By understanding the developmental milestones related to secure attachment, you can spot symptoms of insecure attachment and take steps to immediately repair them.

Between birth and three months, your baby should… Follow and react to bright colors, movement, and objects. Turn toward sounds. Raising a Secure Child is neither a quick read nor a how-to, but instead invites thoughtful reflection from the reader. Some important points, however, are left undeveloped. Also, though the book is based on science, Raising a Secure Child lacks references.

This leaves readers wondering which claims are based on research, clinical experience, or just sound conventional wisdom. And there are some near missteps: The reader has to look closely to see that the authors are claiming that parents and other adults , not just mothers in particular , can form secure attachments.

Finally, wisps of outdated theories can be found in the book. This theory is not supported in modern developmental cognitive science. These minor flaws notwithstanding, Raising a Secure Child is one of the most important contributions to the parenting literature in years.

Diana Divecha, Ph. Her blog is developmentalscience. Become a subscribing member today. Get the science of a meaningful parenting delivered to your inbox. About the Author. Diana Divecha Diana Divecha, Ph. This article — and everything on this site — is funded by readers like you. Psychologist By Debra Campbell, Ph. She received her Ph. Last updated on March 2, How insecure attachment styles are blueprinted in childhood:.

How to rewire your attachment style to be more secure:. Keep developing the things you are already good at and the things you love, so you spend more time in flow, or immersion in your loved pursuits, living passionately.

Take some measured risks nothing dangerous , but try things that push you out of your comfort zone. Get physically strong because the process of it strengthens your head as well. Building self-esteem and self-compassion requires deeper changes, too.

Insight, understanding, and awareness generate acceptance and fuel your journey into emotional freedom. Debra Campbell, Ph. More On This Topic Sex. Kelly Gonsalves. With Shannon Kaiser. Functional Food.

Lindsay Boyers. Alexandra Engler. Personal Growth. Sarah Regan. Latest Articles Recipes. Eliza Sullivan. Emma Loewe. Jamie Schneider. Integrative Health. Previous Next.